We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
