I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
