She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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