so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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