someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
