I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
