Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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