I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
