This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
