Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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