Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that's an acceptable place to lick
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She told me I should be a condom model.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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