You're my little dorito
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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