So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
