So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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