I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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