On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
