Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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