apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?