why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good