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a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
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