If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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