Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

(1-763): View more from Minnesota

Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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(763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l

Replies (29) Good night (1186) Bad night (2747)
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(630): View more from Illinois

bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.

(716): View more from New York

i dont this its possible to queef on command.

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(630): bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face. (716): i dont this its possible to queef on command. http://tfl.nu/u9ov

Replies (90) Good night (967) Bad night (2879)
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(914): View more from New York

you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.

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(914): you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue. http://tfl.nu/t2fn

Replies (9) Good night (4485) Bad night (1152)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"

(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.

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(401): So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch" (401): So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim." (1-401): Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor. http://tfl.nu/7e2l

Replies (26) Good night (2920) Bad night (1020)
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(845): View more from New York

beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween

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(845): beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween http://tfl.nu/oes5

Replies (26) Good night (5815) Bad night (512)
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(907): View more from Alaska

It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

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(907): It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am. http://tfl.nu/0rxk

Replies (36) Good night (1063) Bad night (5615)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

who'd you have sex with.

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(610): terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions. (1-610): who'd you have sex with. http://tfl.nu/97tl

Replies (12) Good night (2248) Bad night (4192)
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(616): View more from Michigan

We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.

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(616): We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks. http://tfl.nu/giz7

Replies (14) Good night (4851) Bad night (985)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie

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(318): He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie http://tfl.nu/gshe

Replies (10) Good night (974) Bad night (2809)
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(661): View more from California

What a dumb baby whore.

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(661): What a dumb baby whore. http://tfl.nu/17ck

Replies (4) Good night (1257) Bad night (794)
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(224): View more from Illinois

Stop whining I left you with whiskey

(224): View more from Illinois

YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.

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(224): Stop whining I left you with whiskey (1-224): YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE. http://tfl.nu/439l

Replies (6) Good night (2135) Bad night (744)
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(407): View more from Florida

I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.

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(407): I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend. http://tfl.nu/eu14

Replies (1) Good night (609) Bad night (234)
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(801): View more from Utah

I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.

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(801): I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker. http://tfl.nu/s4wz

Replies (2) Good night (536) Bad night (307)
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(316): View more from Kansas

She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.

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(316): She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior. http://tfl.nu/1ryz

Replies (0) Good night (382) Bad night (240)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...

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(306): so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night... http://tfl.nu/edce

Replies (2) Good night (269) Bad night (496)

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