Texts From Last Night

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  (520): View more from Arizona

  The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

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  (520): The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. http://tfl.nu/emrq
  Replies (9) Good night (5224) Bad night (600)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

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  (440): that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water... http://tfl.nu/dw5a
  Replies (12) Good night (631) Bad night (4121)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.

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  (406): That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays. http://tfl.nu/wjf7
  Replies (25) Good night (4841) Bad night (896)
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  (858): View more from California

  Life is so much better after having sex.

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  (858): Life is so much better after having sex. http://tfl.nu/blju
  Replies (39) Good night (11262) Bad night (752)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.

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  (978): My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober. http://tfl.nu/yr07
  Replies (13) Good night (4554) Bad night (858)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".

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  (+44): Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices". http://tfl.nu/tgpv
  Replies (4) Good night (3001) Bad night (799)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.

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  (706): Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat. http://tfl.nu/kq42
  Replies (4) Good night (2347) Bad night (580)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear

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  (803): at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear http://tfl.nu/8b8t
  Replies (5) Good night (1303) Bad night (615)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.

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  (720): Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego. http://tfl.nu/dgdq
  Replies (2) Good night (1320) Bad night (475)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.

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  (207): Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far. http://tfl.nu/heu3
  Replies (16) Good night (1835) Bad night (908)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.

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  (732): I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night. http://tfl.nu/l68a
  Replies (4) Good night (1187) Bad night (369)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...

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  (919): So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea... http://tfl.nu/bj54
  Replies (6) Good night (474) Bad night (1477)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?

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  (775): Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram? http://tfl.nu/uqso
  Replies (6) Good night (685) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Amanda bynes is my spirit animal

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  (949): Amanda bynes is my spirit animal http://tfl.nu/eohy
  Replies (2) Good night (641) Bad night (416)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug

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  (206): I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug http://tfl.nu/jw7j
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (211)

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