you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's shark week go big or go home
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties