Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire