Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I'll probably hate you when I'm sober

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  (415): I'll probably hate you when I'm sober http://tfl.nu/uq7b
  Replies (28) Good night (3714) Bad night (975)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.

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  (585): My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life. http://tfl.nu/28dk
  Replies (54) Good night (1656) Bad night (4713)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

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  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (155) Good night (8230) Bad night (8579)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?

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  (770): If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way? http://tfl.nu/2yix
  Replies (7) Good night (4240) Bad night (1689)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.

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  (785): A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard. http://tfl.nu/wz0w
  Replies (10) Good night (3024) Bad night (992)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all

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  (817): You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all http://tfl.nu/x3bd
  Replies (18) Good night (2901) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.

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  (814): Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever. http://tfl.nu/him8
  Replies (2) Good night (1400) Bad night (1513)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aren't they always?

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  (610): My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit" (1-610): Aren't they always? http://tfl.nu/6oqg
  Replies (1) Good night (1661) Bad night (792)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club

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  (206): The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club http://tfl.nu/n7qr
  Replies (6) Good night (849) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.

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  (770): My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways. http://tfl.nu/0awx
  Replies (4) Good night (592) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.

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  (831): I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting. http://tfl.nu/2s6l
  Replies (3) Good night (778) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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  (516): I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are. http://tfl.nu/mo3l
  Replies (6) Good night (1851) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious

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  (906): too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious http://tfl.nu/wso0
  Replies (7) Good night (1050) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.

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  (801): I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass. http://tfl.nu/21od
  Replies (6) Good night (654) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.

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  (905): downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade. http://tfl.nu/mls1
  Replies (4) Good night (883) Bad night (286)

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