This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
only if we run a train.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?