so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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