i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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