try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
