i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
