Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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