Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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