Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
