Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
