just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
