omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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