Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize