dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
