I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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