I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
