[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Your cock deserves a montage
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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