TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
