How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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