So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
