I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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