While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.