does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.