Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
