I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?