I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
