I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?