Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...