Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
