your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.