He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
