After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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