The maid of honor just puked.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
