Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
