I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
