He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
