Sorry, I don't speak sober.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
