She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
