Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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