fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
