You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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