He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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