....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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