check it out our google latitudes are spooning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
