Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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