Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
