Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
