Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
