Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
