hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
