Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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