before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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