if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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