Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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