...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
