i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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