i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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