i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
