I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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