Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
