cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just had sex on a roof
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
