Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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