Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
