just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize