I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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