I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
